A lesson learnt in psychology, you have to identify what you are feeling and not try to suppress it.

I wonder if I think too much or the vibes I get from them are accurate. Just got a feeling I am slowly getting kicked out.. Perhaps its due to the fact that I hang out with others and maybe they feel like there is not much need to ask me.. or perhaps they just dun want my company anymore? Friendship is such a troublesome topic... I shall really spend more of my time on people who wants my company and try to reciprocate their feelings... no matter who they are. You know, sometimes just not doing anything can show a lot, IF what I feel is really true, and it is really an IF, then I am sorry. It just shows I am not good enough for them. I will not try to squeeze myself into where I am not needed or wanted. Or is all these my fault? Am I the one making them feel that? But I think probably not, my influence is such a tiny little flare. Not worth much. I just wish if there is any people who are unhappy with me, just tell me. Communicate with me. I just hate feeling like that. This feeling sucks...

Went out with loners today. Happy Birthday, Meihui, =D or shoud I say yesterday? haha its 12 liao. Haha found something surprising... That we had become very open as compared to last time. Like what we would never had discussed in sec sch had become an easy topic to talk about now... Really glad that I had loners in my life. At least, if sometimes, circumstances made me feel like I had no close friends at that particular point of time, I knew that I will always have them by my side.

During the gathering, there is a time when a depressing topic come up. I had no idea that quite a few people of our age had passed away this 2 years... Its quite depressing and when I thought of my deceased relatives, I really feel that 2010 is really full of ups and downs. Going down a melancholy state of mind... yet again. I wonder when I will get over it.