Even though it has been many days past, sometimes just when I am alone.. listening to songs.. I will think back.. and feel sad all over again. I will blame myself... I will regret my actions.. or for this, my lack of actions... the signs are all there... I really really.. wished to see him when he is still breathing... but now... I will never get to see him again... If I have faith, will I be family with him again in my next life? I will do things differently... If only.

Now.. so much family politics... it feels like after he is gone, everything just went boong... As a 'child', I do not really care about these adult affairs.. but still sometimes.. I just feel like ranting... just feel like why do you have to be like that? Why do you have to escalate things to the point that you break D's heart in the process... wtf. Maybe it all seems so calm at the surface, but beneath everything, trouble is stirring. I know. I guessed.

Sometimes I wonder, if things could be different, will our characters be different too? Deep in my heart, sometimes I wish he had never venture overseas...