Confidence.. A word which I dread... Pride goes before fall. Perhaps, that incident may have scarred me more than I knew... Or it has been in my personality for as long as forever, for to be honest, I felt that I had no confidence in myself.

The fear of being ridiculed? Too prideful? Maybe.. But these few years, that has been what I have been hearing from around me,"You should have more confidence in yourself..", "No confidence.." and so on and so on.. I felt that this also contributes to my indecisiveness.. Maybe I should start taking pride in my work.. in my actions, instead of just letting it hang on the surface, living behind a mask. That's what I want to do.. but years of having no confidence may have slowly ingrained itself in every aspect of myself, so.. its easier said than done...

But I should at least attempt a try right?

I am just a selfish bastard after all... I should not have been born into this world... Sometimes, I just hate myself really really much... Save me the self pity... I will not buy into all that anymore... I may be a selfish bastard for all you care, but who cares. And that is irresponsibility speaking.. and oh, I am such a scum..