Long long week.

3rd Sept, 2015. Thursday. Yesterday. A day feeling like crap, being thrown into an ocean with no life buoys. I learnt a lot and felt a lot. Mentally, especially. It made me stronger and made me learn. I guess that is what they are supposed to do, push me. And i guess the quickest way for someone to learn is to be thrown straight into the pit fire. I did learn, and survived, and am thankful for it, just doesn't appreciate the way it is carried out. No warning, everything just came at once.

- Colleague who knows everything and has been managing it all right from the start (two previous set-ups) was pulled out just an hour before we have to set off for the set-up this round. Banned from going, told to us by another party and haha I guess if I see both of our own shocked faces now, I would have laughed. Yes, he does not know that he will be pulled out as well.

- So, now the inexperienced me is fully in charge, or so I thought mentally for the whole day. Mental impact and responsibility, one.

- He is the driver, so as no one can drive or has a working license except for me, I am forced to take up the wheel. Out of necessity, I have to drive after not really driving for 4 years... Heavy mental impact, two.

- Send my other two colleagues who has much more experience and would know what to do with the two lorries, so that they are able to unload/supervise everything. Left two interns who I have to take in the van. Heavy responsibility for their lives, mental impact, three.

- Reached there safely, thank goodness, damn close shave with a red car though...Stressed. Anyway,  go about trying to get things in order. Client giving problems, things are not moving along. Lots of cock-ups. We forgot to bring lots of stuff. Verdict, I have to drive back to office to take back the stuff and it's lunchtime. Traffic increase. Mental attack, four. Reached office with one intern, my navigator (we got lost with the loss of GPS lol, took quite a long time to reach back). Additional impact, four point five. Rain starts falling, forgot where is the wiper. Stressed. Found it at last. In tunnel, forgot need to on headlights and trying to find the lights. Stress increase.

- Packing stuff into the van at office. Was blocking an entrance with a vehicle coming in and horning. Panicky. Trying to reverse but failed cause skills not there yet. Shit, guys working in company opposite our company knows my face, probably with the opinion of what is this girl doing behind the wheels, and I don't fault them. But stress increase. Calls are coming on and off as well.... throughout the whole thing right from the start. Was talking with some through loudspeaker. Multi tasking and lots of questions, trouble on other end but I need focus on driving. Stress increase.

- Missed the entrance to carpark. Went around trying to find way back. Got into dead end streets thanks to navigator lol, not once but twice. Has to reverse etc. Was stressful, damn damn stressful cause there are cars and all, impatience etc. As roads were damn narrow, cars have to stop and give way. Stressed damn much.

- Reached safely, thank goodness. Went into setup. Things not moving fast enough. Client has a lot of comments and intern, seniors are pissed off with him lol....Try to get everything to move, our schedule delayed by 2 hours. But we still managed to set up the display within the time given in the end. Thanks to my seniors and interns and the workers. But lots of frustrations and stress, with the disorganised situation, which we agree we are all at fault.

- I have to drive my senior back to the office while the other senior and workers went with the lorry that came to take stuff back. Driving at night, I never tried that before. Stress increase. Was saying out some frustrations and stress that I had about driving and the managing and all in the car before starting our journey, senior was like a counsellor lol. Told me that technically, I'm in 'charge' but the one really in charge is him and the responsibility he will be the one that has to bear as he has lots experience in all these set ups and that is also the reason he is there. I took too much responsibility on my shoulders and all and he told me that I actually did quite alright on my first time. He has seen much much worse, managers level who stand there doing nothing and going huh. It took him one year to learn how to manage workers, thus I actually did alright since I still did something instead of just standing there. Was a great relief off my shoulders but I realised that this team, we depend too much on the colleague who got pulled out. We took things for granted. I should improve on what needs to be done, on checking and everything as well for things to go smoothly.

- Still, I should have been more prepared. More aware of things and situations. I have to really increase my driving skills.... I agree, it is a great push and I am happy that I survived even though things are quite screwed, seriously. But things may have gone very wrong, which I shudder to even think about it, from the lives of the interns to the failure of the set-up. I have grown, from this experience, just a bit wiser, just a bit more confident, just a bit stronger. Taking responsibility of other people is a very great burden which for now, I do not think that I am ready as of yet. I am glad, that I did not break. Was on the verge of tears (I held back la) a few times during the set-up due to the pressure from the client and the pressure of the lack of time and the frustrations of my own inability and capability. I was very frustrated and angry, especially at myself. If only I have taken more initiative to learn all the handling of stuff and all. A lot of should haves floated across my mind.

Truly, this is one experience which I would never want to experience ever, though I would not forget it. A day when I was crushed mentally. At the end of the day, I survived. And I guess that is the most important thing of all. I survived.