These days have been taxing.. from missing to being sick to another type of missing... I never would have thought it will happen.. from thinking it may be a joke and I realise the first reaction will always be self denial for things that you do not want to believe... to try and cover what you know that may be true...

I know that he is a good friend of mine, but did not realise how important a role he has played in my life. A precious, close friend that kept in contact with me throughout my life overseas, a friend always there to bring laughter in the most unexpected moment, a bro that I could have an intellectual discourse with, a friend who is so bright, so dependable and cheerful amidst his joking player facade... Yet it is also that friend who made me realise, really, how well do I know my close friends, and how I took them for granted.. Always thinking that they will always be there, always.. It was a hard wake up call, and it's only when you lose something before the regrets came crashing down. "I should have converse more, I should have hang out more, I should have pester him more..." So many, so many should haves...

It brought some of us closer together though, analysing and trying to understand different views and philosophies of life has no doubt, expanded my mind. Somehow, from pure sadness may actually come a sense of peace and calmness, that sense of understanding, ah, so this is what he may be thinking about. It all makes sense, even though it may be hard to accept for those around him.. though that may just be one possibility out of many.. even though it fits.. and yet, with a hopeful heart still, I hope we will meet again. I hope we will have a chance to hang out again. I hope where ever you are, you are safe and happy, and walking down the road of your own beliefs, in this realm or another. I will always keep you in my thoughts, for you have impacted my life much. I am glad, I get to know you, to hang out with you, and keep all these wonderful memories.

P.s I will always hold hope that I will get to meet you again, and hitting you will be the first thing I do, for making us go through so much torment... I miss you..